Home.

It’s an interesting word and concept for me, having never followed the normal template of life.

I’ve always been a bit of a gypsy, I’ve never settled anywhere for very long. I’ve travelled all over the world and lived in more places that I can even count.

It’s been an adventure, this life of mine, but I’ve often wondered where “home” is to me, and if I’ve ever really felt rooted anywhere.

“Is this home now?”, I ask myself.

The answer comes when I see a post from a friend of mine, Andres from Venezuela, someone who, like myself has come to re-root here in Zadar.

“Home is not always where you were born; home is where all your attempts to escape cease”.

This quote by the Egyptian writer Naguib Mahfouz really hit home 😜

I have absolutely no intention of running away from here. Maybe I was always running away before, trying to escape something, but not anymore.

Every time I take a trip somewhere, even when it’s back to the UK, I always have this feeling of returning home when I arrive back in Zadar.

This is my home now, and it’s where I see myself for the foreseeable future.

I have everything I need here, an apartment I rent from people who feel like family, close friends I feel safe with and can go on adventures with, and the most inspiring and nourishing nature right on my doorstep.

Even when the storms appear – the strong winds and rain, as well as the inevitable storms of life, I find it easy to ground myself here and stay rooted.

Of course it helps that through my studies and work I’ve learned some useful grounding techniques and I use them wherever and whenever it required.

When I feel like I’m in the middle of a storm; when I feel scared, overwhelmed, or disconnected, I have a mantra I use which gives me immediate relief.

For it’s not all sunshine and butterflies. The very nature of life is that it’s unpredictable; we never know when it will take us by surprise and trigger a fear response.

It happened this Sunday when I was swimming in the Zrmanje River.

It was the perfect setting.

It’s a warm sunny day in April and I’ve taken a dip in the clear turquoise waters by the waterfalls in Muškovci.

I notice what I think is a small piece of floating wood just a couple of feet away from me. But as I realise it’s a live slithering creature, in a fraction of a second I’ve gone from pure bliss to sheer panic.

It’s a fresh water snake, my biggest nightmare.

There’s a bit of shrieking, and I’m swimming as fast as I can to find the nearest rock to hang onto at the edge of the waterfall.

Luckily I’m with a couple of friends and they help me guide me out of the water and calm me down.

It was a tiny little water snake but for me it’s a real primal fear, I’ve had a phobia of all types of snakes (even worms) for as long as I can remember. My heart is racing, my breath quickened, and I’m started to dissociate, losing connection to where I am.

But my friends are there. They are for me, (as Croatia has been for me in general) a safe harbour, or “Sigurna Luka”, as we would say here.

Not for the first time here, I’ve felt supported and protected by those close to me, and I have realised we really are stronger together and it’s ok to accept help when it’s offered.

Back on dry land, I’m able to sit down on the grass and begin my calming protocols.

My hands on the Earth, sitting cross legged, breathing from my belly, I recite the mantra that’s become an anchor to help me re-ground and recover.

No fancy Sanskrit terms, just seven simple words, that soothe my nervous system, take me out of panic and back into the present moment.

“This is where I am right now”.

It works every time.

I drop back into my body, I accept the situation as it is, and my whole being – mental and physical – is reassured I’m not in danger.

What’s more, coming out of my state of anxiety, I look around at the perfection of nature, at the care in the eyes of my friends, and I know with absolute confidence….

This is where I am right now, this is home, and I no matter what storms appear, I don’t want to run away anymore.